Edit: ironically, the last example (“alkylating agent itself”), despite sounding the most absurd, is actually probably the most feasible example to alkylate

The position of the drawn alkyl group seems to imply a bromonium, though, which is decidedly less easy to make.

Living things, on the other hand, conveniently have a bunch of cytosine and N-terminal proteins…

Alkylation is any reaction that attaches a saturated hydrocarbon group through one of its carbons to something else (more loosely, the hydrocarbon group may contain atoms besides H and C and only be saturated at the point of attachment). It’s pretty common in organic chemistry. The meme is portraying a humorous obsession with alkylation by listing alkylation agents and things the author wants to alkylate, including some unconventional or inadvisable targets.

Incidentally, a lot of alkylation agents are carcinogenic because they alkylate DNA.

I know of a manager who unironically believes this for internal corporate technical reports (ours are academic style and more rigorous and formal than they need be…). It’s not quite to this extent, but I’ve overheard conversations where the manager apparently can’t fathom why their subordinates are incapable of double digits over a year.